I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
