rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
