Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
