So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
