I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
