You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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