Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize