i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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