his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
