i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
