well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
