I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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