im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
