Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
