all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
