Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
