somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
