Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
