Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
