Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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