Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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