the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
