and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Couch. On fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
