PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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