Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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