Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
