I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
