So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
