I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
