I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
