I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
