i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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