There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
