so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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