I heard we made out
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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