there's paper in my vomit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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