Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
