Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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