we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're a waste of cheezeits
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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