I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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