nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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