I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
