Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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