It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
