Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize