went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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