its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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