he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
