Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
