He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
