The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize