do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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