Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
