Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
