First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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