Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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