Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
