HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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