Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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