we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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