fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
someone get that fucking seahorse.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Actions speak louder than pants.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
