Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
