I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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