i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
