apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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