so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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