I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
