you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
