Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
