Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
