It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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