i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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