Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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