I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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