end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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