great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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