and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
